I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am available for nakedness
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