This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
