i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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