why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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