Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
