wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
