I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
