So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
