Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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