Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
