k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.