Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
