I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
whose ass print is on the piano?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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