does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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