IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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