I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
