3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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