it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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