mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
