My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
