I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Randomize
