she told me i tasted like america
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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