So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
