Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
