And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
