you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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