At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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