Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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