Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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