Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
