Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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