from now on my penis is your penis
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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