The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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