If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
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Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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