can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
