I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
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Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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