I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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