your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
