I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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