I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
