I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
