If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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