Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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