I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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