Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
