Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
