Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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