I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she was so not down for the gang bang
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
