i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
