That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
