You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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