Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
