Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
