I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
