Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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