she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
