I'm so fucking centered right now
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The beer is more important than you right now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
