oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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