I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
