My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
