he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
