well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
