k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just google imaged poop.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
