There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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